HFPA made us an offer after all

He has!
Photo: Golden Globes / Twitter

Credit to Golden Globes: Even when it’s cancelled, they still know how to make a show.

With The Globes kicking off its usual primetime thanks to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association’s moral and racial scandals, the 2022 edition of the annual awards ceremony has been jeopardized. There will be no red carpet minds, no drunken demeanour, no Ricky Gervais nervously hammering through a monologue. In fact, there will be no show at all. As The Globes announced last week, this year’s gala will only be attended by members of the HFPA and donors from charities, a move that has brought the association into COVID precautions but which is sure to have as much if not more with Hollywood’s soft boycott of the foundation. On top of that, the event won’t even be broadcast live. Instead, The Globes will simply announce the winners via Twitter as if the HFPA were a local critics group. Which, when you think about it, is what it is. But it used to be a local critics group that had a TV deal!

However, I doubt any circle of critics would be able to achieve what The Globes achieved on Sunday night: an evening of chaos on social media that produced a round of bland community ribbing, which together seemed more like an event than any before. This year’s great Zoom celebrations. The Globes weren’t the only thing going on on Twitter — there was trance Premiere and NFL game with play-off traces – but the Globe was so Just It happens on Twitter, and in a way, it made all the difference.

Despite their occurrence entirely on social media, these zombie globes still managed to maintain a basic globe—meaning everything was five seconds away from completely derailing mixed with high confidence that they were pulling it off. Some of this was due to technology deception, like the time they posted a video of Jamie Lee Curtis, deleted it, and then Repost it Without any acknowledgment of what went wrong. But most of it stemmed from the Globes’ decision to take a page from Emily in Paris School of social media posting. (I think HPFA really got something out of that free trip to Paris.) Just as The Globes have often been so bad, they’re good, so have their tweets ready for all Film Twitter to join the roaster share. There was a low-voltage pun:

Use of a strange emoji indicating an alien courtship attempt:

And references to lyrics unrelated to any of the nominated films:

In fact, The Globes all night refrained from mentioning which project both winners won. Was Kenneth Branna rewarded for his writing BelfastOr, this was a long-awaited honor for his work Henry V? Who can tell.

The tweet-like unfamiliarity with the projects they were celebrating reached its climax West side storyIt won Best Motion Picture – Musical/Comedy, which The Globes declared, “If laughter is the best medicine, WestSideMovie is the cure for what’s bothering you.” In fairness, the HFPA may not have committed to the ending, which shows the murders of three teens. This tweet lingered for 20 minutes, and as someone who covers this for a living, let me tell you that those 20 minutes sparked more interest in the awards race than anything else since the start of the pandemic. But what happened next was even better: The Globes replaced it with a tweet saying “So Music is the best medicine”, thus inventing a whole new term in order to cover the ass.

And people say it should have been email? When was the last time an email brought you so much joy?

Leave a Comment